


lifeline

by hyngseobs, snoopys



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, also just wanna add some shit to the honggu tag, mentions of fire and burns, this is really angsty, why does changgu not want to apologize, y'all suck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:31:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyngseobs/pseuds/hyngseobs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/snoopys/pseuds/snoopys
Summary: Hongseok had always wanted to confess his feelings for his best friend, but when he felt like he could confess, everything goes incredibly wrong. Now, after the most heated argument with Changgu, Hongseok gets into a car accident that throws his soul out of his vessel. He won't die if he gets Changgu to apologize, but the catch was, he can't use his own body.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello yes, i am back on my writing bullshit! this time though, i am writing with my best friend [APPLAUSE]. I am very excited for this fic and i hope you guys uh like it because i lost like half of my brain cells writing the first chapter. also please give my best friend lots of support, this is her first ao3 work and i am incredibly proud of her for this! i also decided to write this because it was originally a twitter au *snorts* but people didn't give it attention so we decided to just turn it into a fic!
> 
> the honggu tag is finally watered. now, enough of my chitchat and let's get reading!!!!

_Fire._

All Hongseok sees is the vast field of flames around him. It never ends and he couldn’t see anything other than the fire. He could feel the heat through the thin material of his shirt, the flames licking his skin every once in a while.

 

He wanted to go somewhere, _anywhere,_ and save himself, but he couldn’t. He feels way too weak to move, his body is full of scratches and burns that brings sharp pain when he moves his limbs.

 

He tried to look for a way to call out for help, for someone to come save him, but the smoke is too thick around him that he could barely see the dark night sky when he looks up. He tries to cough out the smoke that he’s inhaled for the past...hour? He’s not sure how long he’s been here, doesn’t even know how he’s been here, doesn’t even know if he’s still alive. The agonizing pain feeling like an eternity.

 

He could feel his vision being clouded as well, as dark spots fill the corner of his eyes, and every blink hurts as well.

 

 _Why am I here?_ He tried to scream but his throat was sore and no sound could be formed.

 

The next time he closed his eyes, trying to endure the pain longer, knowing there’s something waiting for him, something he should fix, but his brain couldn’t seem to process what it was he’s missing.

 

_Cold._

Hongseok wanted to laugh at how foolish it was that he suddenly felt the heat vanish, only to be be replaced with coldness and comfort, everything the opposite of the previous sensation.

 

He’s too scared to open his eyes again, afraid that the seemingly fantasy of a scene playing in his head will stop, and he’ll be seeing fire and feel never ending pain again.

 

But he did it anyways.

 

A mix of disappointment and relief flooded through his emotions. The fire is obviously still there, still licking through his head, his limbs, hell, it envelopes his entire body.

 

_Am I dead?_

But that’s not him. The man looks exactly like him and he swears that’s the exact position he’s had before. The exact place he was in.

 

But now he’s standing, far from the fire and feeling nothing. _Cold, comfort._ He felt tears welling in his eyes and they fell as soon as they formed. The unconscious body looking helpless as more burns form all over his arms, and his shirt being torn apart.

 

He tried to come close, but part of him is traumatized by the fire. As soon as he touched the flame, he’s surprised that he felt nothing.

 

The man, _Hongseok,_ was slowly disappearing and as soon as he stuck his arm onto the fresh flames, memories flashed way too quickly in his head. Too fast that he couldn’t keep up.

 

He remembers everything, and then nothing at all.


	2. Hongseok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, like i said, i lost half of my brain cells writing this thing, i went WAAAAAY past the word length i usually write and it took me like i dont know 2 to 3 days to get this done. so kindly appreciate my hardwork, i would very much like it if you all are honest about my work. thank you!

_ “Hongseok?” _

 

Hongseok wakes up from a nightmare, one thing he doesn’t always get. He remembers everything he had seen before he had gotten up from bed. There were flames, there was warmth, and then nothing at all.

 

He wasn’t one to fear anything though. Heck, Hongseok wouldn’t flinch at a jumpscare, not at anything. Back when they were younger, all of his friends would hide behind his back only because he was brave, he was proud to be the one who didn’t fear what they did. But that wasn’t the case, the unsettling feeling remains in his system despite of him being wide awake already, Hongseok didn’t want to be there, he doesn’t want to go back.

 

He knows it’s just a dream but it was one time he  _ actually  _ feared for something, he feared for his life. It was more than those monsters his friends were crying over when he was nine. Because he could feel it, how it ran until his shoulders, spreading to the different parts of his body, taking him into unbearable pain and tears sprung out of his eyes once he flutters them open.

A gasp escapes his lips when he jolts up from bed, he frantically touches his arms and feels relief take over once he realizes he wasn’t on fire. For a moment, it was real, and Hongseok knows very well it  _ was  _ but he chooses to ignore that. He stares at the moonlight through his blinds, tears still streaming down his face, the adrenaline dissipating quickly.He wipes his tears away with the side of his hand and scrambles to get out of bed to get something to drink.

 

He listens to the water filling up the glass, dunking down the entirety of it in seconds. It was getting pretty late now as well but Hongseok doubts he can get back to sleep—not when he had dreamed of that, no, definitely not now.

 

Hongseok bites his lower lip, leaning onto the kitchen counter as his arms stood as support. He lifts one hand to view only to find him trembling. Hongseok lets out a frustrated cry, his hands finding their way to his own hair to tug at it. 

 

And for the rest of the night, he spends it that way. 

  
  
  
  


“Yo, you’re really going to do it?” Hyunggu shrieks, forcing his feet to catch up with Hongseok’s obviously faster and longer legs. It’s a lot harder to chase after your incredibly tall friend when he’s in a rush, Hyunggu’s trying hard not to jump on Hongseok right now.

 

Hongseok glances at Hyunggu with a small smile, “what? you think I can’t do it?” He snickers, ruffling the younger’s hair. Hyunggu rolls his eyes, “I’m no longer a kid, Hongseok,” Hyunggu retorts, pushing Hongseok lightly.

 

It earns a small chuckle from Hongseok, pinching the boy’s cheeks with a big smile, “you definitely aren’t baby Kino!” Hongseok exclaims and Hyunggu slaps Hongseok’s arm as he hides his face, not wanting to hear Hongseok’s teasing of how red his face had gotten.

 

Once Hyunggu has recovered, he turns to Hongseok again and he looks much more serious compared to a while ago, “don’t do it,” Hyunggu coldly mutters, it sounds a lot more like a demand than a plea. Hongseok pouts at that, unsure of what to say, if Hyunggu wanted him to not do it, there must be a big problem with it, but what is it?

 

“Let me repeat my question, Hyunggu,” Hongseok massages his temples, stress already trying to gobble him up wholly and he hasn’t even tried to confess yet, “do you think I can’t do it?”

 

Hyunggu shakes his head, his nose scrunching up, “of course I think you can! but, there are many more days to do it.” Hyunggu’s tone was one of fear and anger if Hongseok could sense it right but he couldn’t connect the dots and get where the boy was coming from. “Hyunggu, this is the only day I have the confidence.”

 

The boy’s face falls even more, if that was possible. Guilt rips at Hongseok’s chest after that and he wishes he had just shut his mouth. “I know you think you can’t do it next time but you can, I believe you can.”

 

Hongseok scoffs at that, there is no way he can find the courage again. And why is Hyunggu even trying to stop him?! If there was something wrong, Hongseok hopes the boy just tells him already. 

 

But he doesn’t, Hyunggu only stares at Hongseok, as if he was waiting for the man to say  _ ‘yeah sure, I’ll do it some other time’  _ but really, Hongseok can’t risk it. Hongseok presses his lips into a thin line, pulling the car door open and it has Hyunggu screaming so loud. 

 

“Wait, wait!” Hyunggu cries, grabbing Hongseok’s wrist to stop the elder from doing anything before he gulps the non existent lump in his throat to speak, “I mean, you know I support you a lot, but why now?”

 

Hongseok gives Hyunggu a slight glare, enough not to scare the boy away, furrowing his eyebrows as he scans the younger boy’s worried face. “Do you know something? What’s up with you?” and he watches as Hyunggu’s eyes widen at his inquiry, loosening his hold on Hongseok’s wrist. “No… I-”

 

“Great, nothing. Can I leave now?” Hongseok cuts into Hyunggu’s words, raising an eyebrow as he taps his foot rhythmically on the floor, waiting for Hyunggu to say something else. Hyunggu runs a hand through his hair, a sigh leaving his lips as he drops his hand to his side. “I think you should confess to Changgu another time,” Hyunggu mumbles, frowning as he sees Hongseok’s face contort into something of evident annoyance.

 

Hongseok’s eyebrows furrow further, Hyunggu never stopped him from doing this before, that’s why it was incredibly odd for Hyunggu to stop him when he finally thinks he has to courage to do it. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“I can’t tell!” Hyunggu exclaims, his eyes wide once more as Hongseok tilts his head to the side with his arms crossed on his chest. Whatever the reason could be, Hongseok doesn’t think he should stop now.

 

“Well if you can’t tell, I’m going to do it,” Hongseok shrugs, pulling the car door open. Hyunggu yelps, patting Hongseok’s car windows as he begged for Hongseok not to do it, but the man drives away leaving Hyunggu screaming his lungs out.

 

Hongseok feels bad though, he doesn’t know why Hyunggu was stopping him from confessing. He doesn’t think that was the same Hyunggu that urged him to confess when he had first found out about it. Hyunggu wasn’t supposed to know in the first place, but Hongseok couldn’t quite hide a phone screen visibly lit in front of Hyunggu, right?

 

He couldn’t ever forget that incident. They were hanging out to catch up on each other after years of their time being only consumed by college schedules and much more important priorities than each other. Hyunggu and Hongseok were good friends since elementary so that wasn’t anything Hongseok would say no to. But when Hongseok accidentally presses the lock button and his screen is already showing who his lockscreen wallpaper was, Hyunggu merely spits into Hongseok’s face, screaming  _ “Changgu?! Is that Changgu?!” _

 

Hongseok tried to lie his way out. Hyunggu was pretty gullible when you try hard enough, and the best alibi Hongseok could say was that it’s a dare. Changgu’s his best friend after all, this shouldn’t be a big deal—unfortunately though, Hyunggu persists that it’s  _ impossible  _ for Hongseok to have someone as his wallpaper when you’re just a best friend.  _ And who the fuck would dare him to do so? _

 

So then, Hyunggu found out because Hongseok is a  _ really  _ bad liar. 

 

Hongseok huffs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for the light to go green, Hyunggu long forgotten—the boy could be sulking right now and Hongseok would never know. All Hongseok cares about now is that the five years of hiding was finally about to end and Hongseok practices his confession speech mentally over and over again, afraid he’d screw up and he’d be back at square one before he knew it.

 

This is his only and best chance. If he fucks it up, he’d just move to another city and change his name to Arnold; obviously not the better option.

 

He doesn’t know what took him so long to do it though. Him and Changgu always promised each other to keep no secrets from each other but it’s not like Hongseok could just walk up to his best friend on a fine evening, tell him that ‘yo, I’ve always liked you! Let’s start dating’ and expect for them to still be best friends. 

 

Changgu wasn’t one to return feelings to begin with, he always turned down every girl and boy that confessed to him on Valentines day and other occasions, Hongseok always asked why but Changgu could only shrug and say “they’re just not the one I’m expecting to confess.”

 

So, Hongseok kept his feelings to himself. Only God knows who was the person Changgu had always been waiting for to confess but right now, Hongseok badly hopes it was him.

 

He pulls over in front of Changgu’s house, the one place Hongseok knew by heart (he told Hyojong once that he could drive to this place with his eyes closed. Hyojong asked him to prove it and it didn’t end well.) and there’s a smile fighting its way to his lips as he steps closer to the door, he bites it back, he can’t smile just yet, this is no time to triumph.

 

He lifts his fist to knock but he leaves it lingering on the door for a few seconds. Some part of him believed Hyunggu is right, that maybe this wasn’t the perfect time, neither him nor Changgu could be ready for this and it might just turn out for the worst. But the other part of him just begged him to get it done with.

 

Hongseok waited five years for this. He avoided it far more many times than his fingers could count, if he avoided it again this time, what would happen?

 

He imagined it for a second, when he walks away from the door and drives back to Hyunggu. The boy could still be on the sidewalk where Hongseok had left him and maybe the both of them could go for some coffee and talk about Hongseok’s next attempt to confess.

 

But then his mind jumps to what he had imagined for years. That he confesses and Changgu would smile at him, telling him he was the one Changgu had been waiting and both of them would laugh when Changgu slaps his arm asking what the hell took him so long. Hongseok’s heart races at the thought and he likes it better. 

 

And so, he knocks.

 

The door opens, Changgu’s smile greeting Hongseok as it opens wider and Changgu looks surprised for a moment but he smiles again to give his best friend a big hug. “Why are you here? Just in time for lunch, I just finished cooking,” Changgu mutters, leading Hongseok to the dining room.

 

“I wanted to tell you something,” Hongseok replies, watching Changgu place all of the food on the table with a wide grin. “What is it?” Changgu asks, removing the apron and hangs it somewhere in the kitchen. Hongseok feels his heart pounding wildly, “can we… talk about it after lunch?” and Changgu only nods, sliding the platter of food towards Hongseok. “Dig in.”

  
  
  


Lunch was great. Well supposedly, it  _ was  _ since Changgu had a lot of fun spending about three hours with Hongseok. When they’re together, there are always countless topics to tend their time to and both of them are up to have their butts on those chairs for a lifetime because nothing was better than just  _ that _ .

 

So yes, it was amazing, it was even nostalgic at some point because Hongseok pictured the both of them as high school students talking just as much like today. College took that away from him, rarely ever had the chance to make time for Changgu. Though, that didn’t mean the both of them didn’t get to be together during college, they were always together but not very long, not like now.

 

The problem was, even with the laughter and the high-five’s they did when they say the same thing at the same time, Hongseok feels his stomach churning badly and he doesn’t know whether they’re butterflies or he’s nervous—can be both.

 

He tried ignoring it. He would listen very intently to Changgu’s stories and would smile every now and then to show his interest but while he does so, it’s there, he couldn’t shake it off and pretend it’s nothing because it’s obviously more than that. Whatever it is, he knows it’s just his gut telling him something and he refuses to follow it.

 

The boss today is Hongseok and only Hongseok. He follows no one, nothing but himself.

 

“Okay, we’re done with lunch, what was that you wanted to say?” Changgu asks as he cleans up the table. Hongseok almost drops his plate onto to the marble floor, thankfully he had caught in time, and with a heaving chest he turns to face Changgu. His eyes were wide, something that reminded Changgu of horror and he doubts he looks terrifying right now, he actually thought looked good today. “Hmm?” Changgu turns to Hongseok with a smile and Hongseok knows he’s waiting for him to say it. 

 

He didn’t think this through. If he did, Hongseok wouldn’t have stalled, and stalling was definitely not a good thing. 

 

Hongseok feels his mouth and throat go dry, rushing to put the plates into the sink before he does break them. He’s a lot more worried now and it mixes with the regret of not listening to Hyunggu. If he listened to Hyunggu he wouldn’t be here biting his tongue at his one and only chance there is. (Maybe not even alone as well, Hyunggu had always been supportive, Hongseok could’ve brought him along.)

 

“Hongseok?” Changgu’s voice comes echoing from the dining room and Hongseok realizes he can’t really hide in Changgu’s kitchen forever. He inhales a heck lot of air, more than enough to have him composed and when Changgu enters, all of that was gone in a snap.

 

Even after five years, Changgu still leaves Hongseok so damn breathless and he hates it. 

 

“So? What did you want to say?” Hongseok figured Changgu would go restless if he doesn’t get to the point, he is a very curious guy and you can’t really keep hiding a secret once you blurt out the slightest bit of it to him (which explains why Hongseok can’t have secrets when Changgu persists to know if his tongue slips).

 

Hongseok nervously laughs, jumping to sit on the kitchen counter, “why do you wanna know so bad? It can wait until the night.” Changgu shrugs, “we can watch a movie or two but you have to tell me after.”

 

And Hongseok lets out a sigh of relief, his stomach had finally stopped churning. He huffs out loud and nods, “Deal.”

  
  
  


If Hyunggu was here, Hongseok would’ve already been scolded. Hyunggu was a fan of nudging Hongseok until the man whimpers, sometimes he’d even warn Hongseok with a glare.  _ “Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Hongseok,”  _ Hyunggu would say through gritted teeth, it works, Hongseok gets scared.

 

But Hyunggu wasn’t here. Hongseok said he’d confess to Changgu after the second movie but they’re already on their fifth because Hongseok lied about having so much fun and not wanting tonight to end, Changgu got a little flustered and decided to play more movies than he bargained.

 

It bought him a heck lot of time but the more he decides to throw it for another hour, the more he loses the confidence ti do it. And now, he’s just some damn coward.

 

“Why’d you come here anyway?” Changgu suddenly asks, turning away from the TV. He furrows his eyebrows at Changgu’s question and was about to reply when Changgu quickly interrupts, “I mean, I know you said you wanted to tell me something but I’m sure there’s more.”

 

Hongseok purses his lips, he’s sweating a lot more than usual as well. “I just wanted to tell you something, that’s it.”

 

The other boy hums, setting his gaze back on the TV. Hongseok had lost focus over the movie five minutes ago and he’s awkwardly shifting in place, his butt over here and there and there’s something in his head screaming that he wanted to go home.

 

“Why can’t you say it?” he hears Changgu ask but neither of them are looking at the other and it was enough to put Hongseok in very short-lived ease.

 

He replies, “I wish it was that easy.”

 

Changgu laughs, hitting Hongseok’s arm playfully, “what happened to no secrets, Hong?” 

 

Again, his heart starts racing madly and when he turns to meet Changgu’s eyes, he panics. That was then he realizes that Hyunggu was right, he  _ should  _ do this another day. Hongseok clicks his tongue, turning to Changgu one last time before he stands up, “I think I should get going now. I’ll tell you next time,” Hongseok lies, pretending to yawn and stretch, he thought it would be a lot easier to escape if he did that.

 

But Changgu frowns, “Hongseok, you know i hate it when you keep secrets, remember?”

 

Something in Hongseok’s heart aches when he looks to find Changgu frowning, guilt is coming to rip at his insides once more and he hates it. “But, I… “ Hongseok trails off, watching Changgu look down at his fingers to play with them. If he confesses, it might just ruin the night more, and he kept telling himself that he can’t risk it. He can’t risk this one.

 

“Changgu, I’m going home.” Hongseok deadpans, eyes fixated on Changgu’s form. He turns away before he could change his mind and takes as many steps towards the door as he wanted, Changgu only lifts his gaze to watch him walk away. If he can’t get Hongseok to tell one secret, it’s fine, he really didn’t care.

 

But what bothered him so bad was that, this might just be the confession he’s waited for so long.

 

Hongseok had stalled enough.

 

“I think we need to talk,” Changgu says, stopping Hongseok from leaving. Hongseok already had half of his body out of the door when Changgu decided to grab his hand. For a second, Hongseok felt electricity spark through his entire being, he could’ve collapsed to be honest. 

 

Hongseok tries to squirm out of Changgu’s hold, and Changgu was pulling him into the living room like a father stopping his child from running away. “What’s there to talk about?!” Hongseok exclaimed, still attempting to get out of Changgu’s home.

 

“You’re not leaving until we’re done!”

“But I want to go home!”

“Hongseok, please!”

 

That was enough to shut him up. Hongseok lets go of the door, being completely dragged into the living room. His previous seat was still warm, how long had they been sitting here anyway? 

 

Both of them couldn’t say anything. They sat with a fair distance between each other, a pillow even sat in the middle of their seats and the only thing they could hear were their panting from their tug of war just five minutes ago.

 

“What is it?” Changgu breaks the ice, not being able to hold back much longer, the deafening silence was driving him crazy. Hongseok stares at the still scene in the TV, feeling Changgu’s gaze burning holes to his skin, “I like you.”

 

Just now did Hongseok feel the urge to listen to his gut. This was all in the bad timing, and man he really just wants to go home now.

 

His confession didn’t even go the way he wanted it to be. For years, he imagined how it would happen. Him and Changgu together in the park, maybe his house, and he would admit his not-at-all small crush towards him with chocolates and Changgu confessing that he loves him back. He wanted all of that so badly.

 

Instead, he has this, him and Changgu sat on the sofa, mumbling out his confession and Changgu having nothing to say about it.

 

Hongseok debates whether to leave or not, he had done what he came for, so what’s there left to do? 

 

He’s regretting so much in just a  day and the day wasn’t even close to ending yet. He wished he just listened to Hyunggu. Maybe right now, he would just be laying on his couch, playing mobile legends with Hwitaek, nothing sounds much better than that.

 

He decides to stay though, Changgu might have something to say and he just can’t find the right words right now. He doesn’t even want to hear them but he didn’t want to be rude.

 

“You’re…” Hongseok begins, massaging his temples, “you’re just gonna look at me?”

 

Changgu shakes his head, “I really want to confess back but all I can say right now is that I hate you.”

 

_ Oh, so he hates me now? _

 

“What did I do this time?!” Hongseok didn’t mean to shout but he did, his frustration coming out before he could even think. Changgu cowers for a moment, but he sits up straighter. “You made me fucking wait, Hongseok. You were all I’ve been waiting for this entire time but you let your mind do the talking!”

 

Okay, he didn’t lie. Hongseok always followed what his brain would say,  _ don’t confess yet  _ it would tell him all the damn time. That led to Hyojong telling him that “yeah, you’re an idiot with two working brain cells. Confess before time runs out!” but Hongseok was too offended by the statement to listen.

 

He can be dumb but he has more brain cells than that!

 

“You like me too then?” Hongseok still doesn’t look at Changgu, but he can see Changgu nodding. “I always have…”

 

“Then why didn’t you confess first?!” Hongseok balls his fists, trying so hard not to scream into Changgu’s face, if he did, the man might just spit back at him. “You were the one who knew, Changgu. You wouldn’t fucking wait if you didn’t know!”

 

Changgu grits his teeth, “well, I’m so sorry for having second thoughts! Not everyone loves me, Hongseok, and if I screwed up our friendship before, then what am I?!” 

 

He doesn’t know if it’s just him or the room did get hotter. Hongseok feels his blood boil, he clenches his fists much more and his nails dig into his skin quite deep to form cuts. “You’re definitely more than just our friendship, Changgu. You have many other friends, I don’t.”

 

“Oh? You know my life better than I do?” Changgu snaps, his tone made Hongseok’s blood boil further. “Sorry! Not my fault you’re so damn popular. Right, Yeo Changgu?!”

 

“Popular my ass! You’re  _ my only  _ friend, Hongseok!” Changgu yells right into Hongseok’s face. Hongseok scoffs, “bullshit.”

 

Somehow, it didn’t feel right. Hongseok might’ve always wanted to confess but now that he did it, it feels like it wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe today wasn’t the day, maybe Hyunggu knew all along that they wouldn’t work out.

 

“You know what, let’s just give up already.” 

 

Hongseok’s face softens at that. He didn’t want it to end this way, not with Changgu breaking it off when they haven’t even taken the first step together. Changgu feels a pang of guilt on his chest, the aftertaste of his words made him want to throw up. 

 

“But we haven’t even started yet,” Hongseok wanted to still sound mad, he wanted to show Changgu that he  _ is  _ mad. But for some reason, he sounded hopeless, vulnerable, scared. “I thought-” he tries to talk but he couldn’t say anything, he can’t.

 

Changgu grabs Hongseok’s hands, wanting to embrace the elder for a goodbye but Hongseok pushes him away, his tears flowing on and on and both of them know he can’t control them anymore. “Don’t get near me. Stay there… you’ll break me…”

 

“Hongseok-”

“Don’t say my name!” Hongseok’s voice cracks, close to falling to the floor on his knees and Changgu beats himself up for saying that. But he couldn’t apologize, not when Hongseok sprints out of the room and into his car.

 

Changgu couldn’t contact him. He never saw him again that night.

  
  
  
  


He remembers it was 11 PM when he stops nearby the river. 

 

Hongseok doesn’t know where he’s going, where he went, why there. All he knows is that he wanted to get away from Changgu. 

 

He feels bad,  _ really bad. _

 

He grabs his phone from his pocket, dialing the number he had memorized all too well and as he sobs to himself, praying Hyunggu answers the call. “Hongseok?” Hyunggu asks from the other line and Hongseok smiles a little, at least he still has Hyunggu, right?

 

“Are you crying?”

 

Hongseok hadn’t taken note of how many hours had he been crying, heartbreak was a lot harder to handle than he thought and he had never cried this much since that one time he failed an exam (Hyunggu and Hwitaek surprised him with chicken to feast over for him to cheer up).

 

This time though, he doubts any bucket of fried chicken could stop his tears, he’s sobbing so much into the phone that Hyunggu keeps calling for his name and telling him to calm down. He can’t, his mind keeps going back to what had just happened. 

 

He keeps hearing Changgu’s voice telling him to just give up on the both of them, and he’s furious, what does Changgu know? Why does he get to decide whether they cut it off or not? Why is Hongseok the one hurting so much? he’s sure Changgu isn’t crying as much as he is, what a fucking asshole.

 

“Hongseok… tell me what happened,” Hyunggu’s voice brings Hongseok back to reality, in those whole two minutes he had been crying and spacing out and Hyunggu’s worries aren’t lessening. “I don’t think I should tell you,” Hongseok says, sounding regretful.

 

He admits that Hyunggu is right, that he should’ve listened, and even if he knows Hyunggu wasn’t the kind of person to blurt out  _ ‘I told you so!’  _ he still doesn’t want to say it. Hyunggu wouldn’t rub it in his face either, all the boy wanted to do was to save him all the trouble and it’s not his fault nor Hongseok’s if everything goes berserk.

 

Yeah, Hongseok didn’t do as he told but he can’t really blame him.

 

“I know that your excitement got the best of you,” Hyunggu speaks even with no reply from Hongseok, the man probably has his tongue tied in knots from crying so much. “But it’s okay.”

 

Hongseok huffs with what he’s hearing, trying to suppress his sobs. 

 

It’s not okay. Hongseok just had the most awful argument he’s had in his entire life, he’s not just a bad liar, but he’s also pretty bad at containing his anger. 

 

He hopes he can tell Hyunggu that things will eventually be alright and Hongseok can move on, letting those five years down the drain. It may be a lot of work but he’s willing to do it just to keep him and his friends happy. He can’t make promises right now, maybe not until next year. 

 

“Everything hurts,” was all that Hongseok tells Hyunggu. He leans back to his chair and lets out an audible sigh, “how about you come to my place? Sleepover?” Hyunggu offers, tone still sounding worried. Hongseok smiles again, “that sounds nice.”

 

So Hongseok starts driving again, his tears still uncontrollable. Hyunggu told him to not put the phone down just so he can be there when Hongseok gets to another breakdown while driving. 

 

“You’re feeling better, buddy?”

“Yeah, a lot. Thanks Hy-”

 

And then there were glass shards, the car comes stops abruptly and the impact meets Hongseok’s body quite harshly. He feels it, the pain that shoots through his body as the car collides into the tree. Hongseok’s eyes are wide in shock, unable to process what was even happening.

 

“Hello?!”

 

The car bursts into flames before Hongseok could get out, his oxygen running low and it was getting harder and harder to breathe the longer he’s in there. It was warm, his tears were warm on his cheeks and the fire burnt his skin. And the odd thing about all of this was… it’s familiar.

 

He struggles to reach for his phone, but he does it anyway. He hugs his own stomach, feeling striking pain in many different areas, he manages to grab the phone from the other end. “Hyunggu,” he chokes out, tears falling from his eyes as he fights through the pain. “I might not make it to your house.”

 

Hongseok shuts his eyes. If he was going to die tonight then oh how he badly begs Dear Lord, for someone, anyone to come to the rescue—even if it has to be Changgu, he just wants to live.

 

The world grows quiet by then, the oozing of the fire fades away and he opens his eyes to find the flames still there, the car’s still there, everything’s there… but why can’t he hear anything?

 

Hongseok doesn’t even remember how he got out, the last thing he knows was that he told Hyunggu he couldn’t make it and-  _ oh shit my phone! _

 

The last thing Hongseok expects to meet him in his car was his corpse, though he can’t really say he’s dead, Hongseok can still see his chest heaving up and down a little. 

 

“Why… Is this… Oh my god…”

 

Disbelief is just an understatement, Hongseok doesn’t know what or who to believe. He’s not sure if he’s dead and God decided to not bring him up to heaven yet or he’s just going to be stuck here for the rest of eternity.

 

But whatever it is, Hongseok is looking at himself. 

 

Hyunggu’s voice comes out of his phone, Hongseok turns to it immediately. He grabs and brings it to his ear, “Hongseok?”


End file.
